I was doing what all good students do best at RGU, I was chatting to girl I met on an online chartroom via msn messenger. It was a tough life being a business studies student; I suppose you could call it personal development studies! She claimed that she never had a digital camera to put her picture online, so I had to rely on her own analysis of her good looks. She said she was good-looking 35, blondish/reddish hair, blue eyes, and voluptuous. She didn’t sound too bad, or so I thought.

I had a day off at the end of the week, so she invited me to her place for a afternoon of fun and frolics. We spoke on the phone the day before to make sure we were both real and that she wasn’t some wackjob pretending to be a girl! She had a very sweet and sexy sounding voice, so I was looking forward to meeting her.

She gave me directions, which seemed straightforward enough; it would take an estimated 75 minutes to drive there. I just hoped my 10-year-old clapped out Fiesta could make it. She was a country girl who lived on a farm. I followed her directions diligently, I just had to follow the A90 and turn off when I seen a certain sign past a few miles past a certain city!

I eventually found where I was looking for; it was a typical farm road, pure hardened mud. I drove for about 2 miles; I drove past a couple of small farmhouses, until I eventually came to the end of the road, where there was a big farm with outbuildings.

I stopped the car to call her to confirm which house was hers, at this point I was starting to get a little bit nervous, I had visions of that movie Deliverance starring  Jon Voigt coming into my mind. There was a couple of wild pit bull like dogs roaming around, and I swear I could here a banjo playing in the background.

If I had any sense, I should just driven straight home, but my hormones were going crazy, I had the prospect of an afternoon of naughty sex awaiting me. Eventually I found her house; the excitement was starting to build.

She opened the door; I should have made my excuses and ran away. She was nothing like her description, if I had called her ugly, I would have been  kind to her, she was more than voluptuous, she was a big as the cows I had passed in the fields. I couldn’t understand how someone with such a sweet and sexy voice could  look so monstrous.

I thought maybe she might look better naked, but she looked just as bad. She never had any good features, I thought her breasts may have been impressive, but they were just flabby and her skin was in bad condition from the crap diet that she was obviously living off.

I did what I had to do; I eventually figured out her best feature and that didn’t involve having to look at her face! She didn’t quite look so bad on her hands and knees from behind. 30 minutes later I made my excuses and headed back to a fictitious lecture, which I had to attend. The beast from the North East asked my when  she would  see me again. I said, “Don’t call me, I will call you when I’m free”. I changed my phone number a few days later!

Submitted by a Former RGU student

If you enjoyed this article why not read some more !  West Highland Way Fling, The Summer of 2002!  and  Naughty Thoughts on the Slow Bus to Cairo, She Seemed So Crazy!

 

 

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